Date: 4 September 2025
From: Office of Onboarding
To: All Departments
Subject: Introduction of Onboarding Mascot
📌 Purpose
The Department of Self Love is pleased to introduce Lily, our official Onboarding Mascot.
Her role is simple yet vital: to bravely model all the awkward, funny, and oh-so-human scenarios we encounter during orientation, compliance drills, and professional development workshops.
📂 Background
🐥 Not perfect (a hiring requirement)
😅 Worries about “failing orientation” (common condition)
🎭 Finds herself in sticky self-love scenarios that require creativity, humour, and kindness
📑 Role & Responsibilities
As Training Mascot, Lily will:
☑️ Participate in regular simulation exercises.
☑️ Model both the wrong turns and the kind turns.
☑️ Ask the timeless question on behalf of us all: “What Should Lily Do?”
📎 Next Steps
Beginning this quarter, Lily will feature in a series of training memos — from surviving her First-Week Orientation to balancing the Budget of Energy, navigating Snack Allocation, and even participating in the legendary All-Departments Meeting.
Her progress will be tracked with badges and stamps (collectible, of course).
Respectfully submitted,
Office of Onboarding
“Because training is better with a mascot.”
✨ Stay tuned: Lily’s first training memo launches soon.
Department of Self Love 
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