From: Office of People & Culture
To: [Classified]
Subject: Observations on Departmental Mood Following Director’s Memo
Date: 4 August 2025
As the one who tends to refill the biscuit jar, water the office plant, and quietly monitor morale, I thought it might be helpful to provide a quick snapshot of how our various departments responded to the Director’s recent call for a one-month review meeting.
In short: reactions were… varied.
🧠 Office of Emotional Wellbeing
Reaction:
Gasps audibly. “A meeting? Already? But I haven’t emotionally processed the last time I had to speak in front of a group!”
Frantically opens their Notes app titled ‘Feelings – July 2025’
Starts sketching a mood board titled “The Month in Meltdowns”
“Do I include the crying-under-a-blanket moment? Or just the ‘I’m fine’ phase? Maybe I should include both. Is it vulnerable enough? Is it too vulnerable?”
🔍 Office of Self Discovery
Reaction:
Whispers: “Wow… time is an illusion.”
Forgets to respond immediately because they’re deep in a journaling spiral titled “Who am I, really?”
Will most likely submit their report as a hand-scrawled letter sealed with wax and a feather.
“Can I include the part where I thought I had figured myself out, but then didn’t? Or is that… the whole report?”
📊 Office of Productivity & Purpose
Reaction:
Already halfway through drafting their report.
Has a Trello board labeled Department Review – Monthly Sprint 01.
Requests 10 minutes with the Director to present a quick pie chart and action plan for Month 2.
“Finally! Someone is doing reviews around here. Honestly, we’ve been under-leveraging our KPI opportunities. I’ll CC you in.”
🗂️ Office of Onboarding
Reaction:
Panics slightly because they wanted to prepare a welcome pack for this meeting.
Starts writing a report titled “Learning on the Job: Why the First Month is Always Weird.”
Submits a well-designed slide deck with headers like “What We’ve Learned,” “What We’re Still Googling,” and “Where the Tea Lives.”
“Should I bring muffins to the meeting? Is that too much? No? Okay, I’m bringing muffins.”
🍲 Office of Nourishment & Energy
Reaction:
Shrugs. Pours tea. Opens fridge.
Starts report in Notes app: “What we ate, what gave us energy, and what didn’t.”
Will probably turn in their report 15 minutes before the meeting, smelling faintly of garlic and ginger.
“I’ll submit it after lunch. Or maybe after my post-lunch nap. It’s all connected.”
🦶 Office of Body Relations
Reaction:
Looks up from soaking their foot and mutters, “Meeting? Do I have to walk there?”
Submits a terse but deeply truthful report with one sentence:
“The body remembers everything, even when the rest of you pretends not to.”
“Also, please submit a formal request before you make me do 10,000 steps again. That was rude.”
Respectfully compiled,
People & Culture Liaison
(Still refilling the biscuit jar and observing the vibes so you don’t have to.)
Department of Self Love 
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