Department of Self Love

📌 Onboarding Report: Integration of New Habit

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by

Department of Self Love
in

Date: 24 August 2025
From: Office of Onboarding
To: Director of Self Love
Subject: Orientation & Training – “Sunday Reset” Habit

Executive Summary

Following repeated requests across departments, the Office of Onboarding has initiated the orientation process for a new hire: Sunday Reset. Early reports indicate resistance, but potential benefits to sanity and meal planning.

Habit Profile

  • Title: Sunday Reset
  • Reports To: All Departments (unfortunately)
  • Probation Period: 14 days
  • Key Responsibilities:
    • Tidy house (without weeping)
    • Wash clothes (eventually fold them, maybe)
    • Prepare meals for the week (snacks optional, chocolate compulsory)
    • Mentally accept that Monday will arrive regardless
  • Potential Conflicts: Netflix, naps, spontaneous family chaos

Training Requirements

  • Workshop Attendance: “How to Fold Laundry Without Existential Dread”
  • Resources Provided:
    • 1 x Spotify playlist
    • 1 x wooden chopping board
    • 3 x avoidance strategies (pre-approved)
  • Failure to Attend Training: Results in chaotic Mondays and questionable breakfasts.

Feedback from Departments

  • Body Relations: “We support this hire only if stretching breaks are scheduled.”
  • Nourishment & Energy: “Snacks must be allocated during training.”
  • Emotional Wellbeing: “Reserves the right to cry into freshly folded towels.”
  • Productivity & Purpose: “Demands proper project management. Post-it notes at minimum.”
  • Self Discovery: “Would like to know if Sunday Reset allows time for spontaneous adventures and philosophical wandering. Otherwise, considers this hire a cultural mismatch.”

Preliminary Assessment

Sunday Reset shows promise but requires further support. The Office recommends patience, chocolate bribes, and lower standards of laundry folding to ensure successful integration.

Respectfully submitted,
Office of Onboarding
“Because every habit deserves a terrible first week.”

💡 Closing Anchor Line
Self love is not just celebrating what’s polished — it’s onboarding the messy, reluctant habits that eventually make life gentler. Even if the new hire shows up late, eats all the snacks, and refuses to fold the towels properly.

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